I called it.

Josie Maran—Bye.

Poor Alec Mazo! They need to give him an athlete next season. He deserves a decent partner after two seasons of lame models.

It Has Begun

Jennie Garth—You can stay.

Josie Maran—Bye.

Sabrina Bryan—It’s just sort of tedious, because, who are you? If you’re going to be the best, I want you to not be someone from the Disney Channel.

Marie Osmond—Good for you. Jonathan—What’s up? I thought you were sort of boring last year. When you said "I'm known as the gentleman of ballroom dance," I was thinking, "More like the sterile Ken doll of ballroom dance!" But maybe that was because you were too busy stressing about your partner’s plastic leg coming out form under her? You and Marie look so good together!

Scary Spice—You were not the best, but that’s the best position to be in. Your job is to do better so that Maks will be around all twelve weeks.

Jane Seymour—That was so cute when they showed your kids cheering for you!

Cameron Mathison—I love a good soap star, but I don’t know who you are.

Floyd Mayweather—The judges were right. Reign it in!

Helio—Good for you.

Albert Reed—My rule for this show is models and beauty queens leave first. But I am making an exception for you, your hip action, and your pecs. Soldier on.

Mark Cuban—I didn’t hate you as much as I thought I would.

Wayne Newton—I am not part of the generation that loves you. Cheryl, your fringe was too long. But you looked so happy! And you made a funny with Drew! I think Ian was crushing your spirit with the weight of his ego last season.

Bruno—Don’t talk. Please. I had to cover my eyes when you were talking to Albert. I know it is your job, but just don’t. Hold up the numbers and let them speak for themselves.

Camera people—Damn! Why did you put the camera right on Josie when Tom said someone is going home tonight? That was harsh and unnecessary. We saw how bad she was. All you did was create sympathy for her. America can be dumb sometimes. She might be around next week.

P.S. I am unlikely to blog about anything other than this show for the next eleven weeks.

A New Low

I am bored and Gawker is down, so I am making the transition from reading stupid stuff on the the internet to kill time to writing stupid stuff on the internet to kill time. Here are some things that are on my mind:

1. Dancing With the Stars starts Monday. Yes. I thought I could keep my interest in the show to one season, but I was wrong. I am more concerned about the professional dancers than the stars, though. Mel B. better be ready, because Maks needs to be around for awhile.

2. Once this summer and once this week I have walked into the Men's room instead of the Ladies. How many times do you do something before it is considered a habit?

3. I don't need to kill time anymore so I'm stopping now. Bye!

Dean Cain Used to Be Hot

Most of the cultural intake of my childhood, when revisited, is totally different than what I remember. Or, at least, things jump out at me that I hadn't seen before. Strangely, this is not really the case with my very favorite things, such as the books of Laura Ingalls Wilder or my favorite TV show in high school, Lois and Clark. When I heard that the first season was to be released on DVD, I was pumped.

The show was on for four seasons. The first I watched occasionally, thinking "Hmm. Good show. Maybe I'll watch more of it." The second season I made good on that promise and watched obsessively, taping every episode and watching it again after school on Monday. That tradition continued into the third season. The fourth season--Blech. Lois and Clark not only got together, they got married. In some dumb space wedding in the sky? And then someone brought them a baby from the sky? I watched intermittently out of some sense of obligation or loyalty. I just remember thinking the fourth season was lame.

And I was correct! Watching the first season on DVD, I loved the show and wanted to watch more of it. When I got season two as a birthday gift, I was thrilled, and surprised to find that I still remembered dialogue from several of the episodes. I liked season three as well. I started getting season four from Netflix a couple weeks ago, and wow. It is lame. In some ways I respect what they did--the main characters are married, and they have different problems and obstacles to overcome. But it is soooo boring. I sent back disc three last Tuesday, and I doubt that I will watch the remaining three.

Here is a totally awesome youtube fanvid that has footage from the best episodes (all season 1-2, btw):


Here is another totes aws youtube fanvid that I will not editorialize on:


I wish I could just put up a clip. You got to hear one good song, though!

Kate, Kate, I can’t wait!

Tomorrow Kate B. is reading at Purdue. I am fairly sure it will be the best day September has to offer. There is only one way it could be improved.

To all my dearest friends and old yoga teacher: Please gather at Kate’s house tomorrow morning. Do not be alarmed when you see that she is dressed in the uniform of Gryffindor House. Continue to be unfazed when she points her wand at you and yells, “Reducto!” She will sneak you on the plane in her oversized purse. Once you are off the plane, she will restore you to size, and we will have a lovely evening of Indian food, literature, and sun salutations. Wednesday she will shrink you again for the trip home.

That’s the only way September 18 could be more fun than it is going to be. It is going to be pretty damn fun.

Sad, Sad

The series finale of Gilmore Girls is re-running tonight. I will watch while walking on the treadmill at my apartment complex. I'm happy with that. But tonight will be bittersweet because of memories. Tuscaloosa Memories. A year ago, I was watching the show every week in the company of Ashley, Alissa, Sarah and Molly. We had snacks and conversation. Dear friends, how I miss you. it doesn't seem like a year has passed.

Ask Rachel: The Rachel Asks Edition

Okay, so at my new job the computer equipment is not insured, so we have to swipe our IDs to open the classrooms. We are not supposed to let students from the next class come in unless their instructor is already there. Otherwise, you close the door behind you so it locks.

The guy who teaches before me doesn't do this! And we have gotten literally 450398547 e-mails about it. My students are good and cute, so when I told them not to enter the room if I wasn't around, they actually listened, and now sit in the hallway waiting for me even though the door is wide open. They are not the issue, though. The classroom is in a dorm, and every day random kids are wandering in to use the printer as they dart off to class.

I guess the rational thing is to get here early and mention it to the guy. But I don't want to do that, because it makes me look like a condescending jerk. I am sort of a tattletale, but I know from watching Scent of a Woman that snitches aren't considered cool (seriously, if I see wrong being done I don't see why you wouldn't tell, but whatever). The last option is to do nothing and possibly be held responsible if there is a computer heist.

So, Tim and the two other people who might read this, what should I do?

An Ode to the Strodes

A couple weeks ago I bought a neat end table that you can put pictures in. I decided to fill it with some of the work I did in photography class over the last couple years. I ended up using pictures of the Strode House and pictures of myself in the Strode House. I love it. The pictures together are like a story, and it's a nice memorial to a lovely place/era of my life. Good for me.

A Scented Trip Down Memory Lane

This weekend I took Regina to the mall. We spent a few moments at the fragrance counter, where I was very excited to get my first whiff of M by Mariah Carey. It smelled vaguely like some other perfume that I can't place. Mariah, I'm afraid the perfumers put one over on you. "M" is a recycled scent.

The other perfume I was excited about was "Sheer Veil" by Vera Wang. Get it? Because she designs wedding gowns? This also smelled familiar, and it took a moment, but I figured it out: CHARMKINS!

http://www.chanth.com/charmkins/

I was crazy for these as a kid and completely forgot about them until I smelled an $80 bottle of perfume. Hmm.

So, in sum: Mariah's perfume smells like someone else's, and Vera Wang's smells like a plastic toy from the 80's.